Sorry that it has been so long between posts, but I have been both very busy and VERY lazy. The dreaded procrastination gene has reared up and laid me low.
However, I am almost finished Chapter 10, and it should be posted within the next day (or two).
Recently I asked for people interested in forming a writers' group to a meeting at my home, and we are now meeting every two weeks. One of our optional tasks is to write something on a selected theme each week. 'Rainbows' was the topic for our last meeting, and I excelled myself by writing the TWO different pieces below.
Rainbow
I’ve been climbing this rainbow for too many years,
Through the wind, through the rain, and the pain and the tears;
Thought when I reached the top it would all turn out fine,
All the treasures and pleasures of life would be mine.
But at the top of the rainbow I suddenly found
That life’s pot of gold was still down on the ground;
So I started descending that slippery slope,
Through the halls of despair and the caverns of hope.
This part of my journey was hardest by far,
All light suddenly vanished, like a fast-falling star.
Inside the rainbow there’s nowhere to hide,
I thought only of gold, down that long, awful slide.
All friendships forgotten, and love turned to dust,
Rainbow gold keeps on calling, and answer I must;
But the fabulous pot was all empty of gold,
Filled instead with the bitter-sweet memories I hold.
So I woke from my dreams of my ambitious youth,
With a sense of awareness, this vision of truth:
Don’t follow the roads to the rainbow’s false ends
The riches of life are in families and friends.
Little Red Riding Hood woke when the early morning sun peeped through her lace-curtained window. She jumped out of bed and ran to the window.
‘Goody’, she thought! There had been a tiny rain-shower, and there WAS a rainbow! This was her day for finding the pot of gold!
She dressed quickly and carefully packed some of her most secret possessions into her bright red back-pack with the sunflower and bluebell designs all over it, and skipped into the kitchen to have her breakfast.
“Hello Mummy and Daddy”, she said to her parents, who were eating toast and drinking tea (and swallowing half a bucket of medicinal pills and vitamin tablets).
“Hello Darling”, they said, as she filled a bowl with Fairyland Magic Cornflakes.
“What are you going to do today, my daughter?” asked her mother.
“Oh”, said Little Red, “it is SUCH a lovely day! I think I shall wander through the woods and pick some flowers, AND find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!”
“Do you want me to pack your picnic basket, darling daughter?”
Little Red looked up at her mother with wide, blue, innocent eyes, and said, “Oh, no, Mummy. I am taking my pretty red backpack with the bluebells and sunflowers. And I can buy my lunch with the pocket money I have saved.”
She finished her breakfast, cleaned her teeth and washed her hands, put on her backpack, and kissed her parents goodbye.
After she hurried out through the garden gate, her father said, “Well, we had best get dressed quickly, since she took her big backpack.”
Her mother sighed and said, sort of sadly, “I suppose we should’.
Little Red wasted no time walking through the woods – she was out for Adventure today; Adventure with a capital ‘A’. Before long she came upon two distressed little children, holding hands and crying.
“Why are you crying?” asked Little Red. “Who are you?”
“I’m Gretel”, said the little girl, “and this is Hansel. Our stepmother has sent us out in the woods and we don’t know how to get back home again. And we’re SO hungry and tired.”
“Don’t cry, children,” soothed Little Red; “I know a place where you can have lots of food and a warm bed for the night, and maybe for the rest of your lives!”
The children cheered up at once, and, with each of them holding one of Little Red’s hands, she led them to a beautiful cottage a little further into the wood.
“Oh!” said Hansel, speaking for the first time; “It’s made of all sorts of lollies!” And he immediately started to break off bits of marshmallow, honeycomb, white chocolate and rocky road, and stuffed them into his mouth.
“I have to leave you here”, said Little Red, “but there is a lovely old lady who lives in here who will REALLY look after you both. Just tell her that Little Red brought you here.”
After saying that, she skipped merrily off into the woods, knowing that the wicked witch of Lolly Cottage would pay her quite a bit of money for sending two more victims into her clutches.
She decided to wander past the house of the Three Bears, because she knew that they would be out having their morning walk at that time. Just as she arrived, she saw her friend Goldilocks, who was evidently casing the cottage.
“Hi, Red,” said Goldilocks, “do you know who lives here, and if they’re at home right now?”
“Goldie, you are in absolute luck. This is the house of three bears, and it just so happens they are out for their morning walk. AND I know where they keep their good stuff – money, jewellery, and socks and bonds. Let us pop in for a profitable visit.”
The girls entered the house, and quickly found and divided the loot. Goldilocks, however, spotted three bowls of porridge on the dining room table, one VERY large, one medium, and one very small.
“That porridge looks SO delicious, and I am SO hungry,” she said. “Should we have some?”
Little Red shook her head. “I’ve already had breakfast, and, if you want a clean getaway, you had best leave now. The bears will be back soon.”
Goldilocks decided to take her chances, because the porridge looked absolutely delicious.
Red quickly left the cottage and went on her way. She knew EXACTLY where she was going next, and soon arrived at the cottage of the seven dwarves, knowing full well that the little men would be out at the mine, and Snow White would be home alone. She retrieved her specially prepared apple from her backpack and knocked on the door.
When Snow White opened the door, she saw a sweet little girl wearing a red cape with a matching hood, and who offered her a bright, shiny, delicious-looking apple.
“Excuse me, Miss, but I am doing market research for a special new breed of apples which are supposed to be the sweetest and most nutritional apples ever grown. Would you like to try this free sample?”
Snow White was much taken with the little girl, and the apple was SO tempting. She took a bite, and immediately fell senseless to the ground.
Little Red gave a satisfied nod, and continued on her way to that part of the forest where she knew Prince Charming would be practicing his knitting skills.
“O, noble Prince!” she cried, flinging herself in tears at his feet. I have just come from the cottage of the seven dwarves, and saw dear Snow White prostrate on the ground, with a bitten apple beside her. I suspect she has been poisoned, and the only remedy to wake her is the kiss of a handsome prince, and they don’t come any handsomer than your royal self.”
Prince Charming, a gallant but very stupid man, thanked Little Red, and hastened to the stables to his great black charger, Monarch.
Little Red meanwhile sought an urgent audience with Princess Cinderella. She whispered in the Princess’s noble ear that she was the bearer of sad and tragic news; that Prince Charming had taken himself off to the Dwarves’ cottage to a secret love tryst with Snow White.
Cinderella almost fainted with the shock – she thought her marriage was a guaranteed forever-after one, but she gave a small bag of gold to Little Red, then hastened to the stables to her grey steed, Faithful.
Little Red took a moment to telephone the News of the World with the story, and to negotiate a suitable payment.
On she went, thoroughly happy with the way her day had progressed to this point. Soon, she spotted a great silver wolf in a Fairyland Council uniform.
“Well, HELLO, Wolfie!” cried Little Red. “How long have you been on the straight and narrow?”
“Hi, Red,” said the wolf, “It’s actually a condition of my parole. When I was in jail I had to learn a trade, and now I’m a building inspector for the Council.”
“Right now I’m off to inspect three new houses. Want to come along?”
“Sure,” said Red, “Because I want you to come along with me after that. How long will these inspections take?”
“Usually it would take the rest of the day, but I’ve got a bit of a scam going with two of them where the houses aren’t really up to scratch.”
“So it’s going to be an inspection from the outside, an envelope filled with a few dollar notes, and the rest of the day free? Count me in.”
“Well, Red, you can’t have any of the cashola this time. This is MY scam.”
“I don’t want any of the money, Wolfie. I just want to check out your technique.”
They arrived a few minutes later at the home of a very nervous little Pig, standing beside his house made of straw. Wolfie said a few words, and exchanged a building safety certificate in exchange for a fat white envelope.
They repeated the procedure at the new, stick-built home of a second pig.
At the brick house of another little pig, Wolfie actually undertook a thorough inspection, under the watchful eye of Mr Practical Pig, a local builder. He then gave the Certificate to the pig, but this time there was no cash-filled envelope.
“So,” said Wolfie, “that’s me done for the day. Where are we off to Red?”
“We are going to the end of the rainbow. I heard that the leprechauns refill the pot from time to time, and today could just be my lucky day.”
Wolfie smiled and said, “You’re a bit too smart to believe in those old fairy tales, aren’t you, Red?”
Red smiled back. “Maybe this ISN’T a fairy tale, Wolfie.”
They reached the end of the rainbow just on lunchtime, and found a rusty old pot that was totally empty except for a crushed cigarette packet and an empty coke can.
“Ah well,” said Red, “At least we had a pleasant walk, and I brought some lunch. Would you like to share?”
Wolfie nodded his head eagerly. He was REALLY hungry.
Little Red reached into her backpack and her hand came out holding a snub-nosed automatic, which she pointed at the wolf.
“Whoa! Wait a minute,” said the wolf; “we’re in the same business, you and me, Red. And I’m nearly happy to even share the graft I got from the pigs this morning.”
Little Red smiled a nasty little smile. “Sorry, Wolfie, but business is business. I have an order for a genuine silver wolf fur, and so, my friend, you are expendable. No hard feelings.”
Her finger tightened on the trigger. Wolfie stood, terrified, unable to move.
Suddenly, a loud twang filled the air, and, at the same moment, an arrow knocked the pistol from Little Red’s hand. “Damn!” she said, “My meddling father!”
Her father, Robin Hood ran across to her, closely followed by Maid Marian.
“That’s the last time, Red!” He said.
“we’ve taken Hansel and Gretel home, given their father a bag of gold, fixed up the witch’s cottage, soothed the three bears and handed Goldilocks to her parents for punishment, sorted out the mess you left with Cinderella, Prince Charming and Snow White, and are now sending you off to a nunnery.
And so, after many years of tantrums, tears, furious arguments and escape attempts, Little Red became the Blessed Sister Margarita of Sherwood.
[1] Perhaps I should have used the more correct ‘Vertically Challenged’ here, or at least, ‘petite’.
[2] Not intended to reflect in any derogatory or discriminatory way on any person of differing cultures or colours.
[3] Used in this instance only as a surname, not in any way to indicate that this family name should be interpreted to have any connotations of or connections with unsavoury and/or criminal persons.
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